prayer

just when i think i hit my breaking point i am always cosmically reminded of just how good & easy i have it. my in-laws are here & seeing how faded fil is is humbling, frightening & sad. my intention for their trip was to coincide with my annual trip to a trade show on the other side of the country so the hub had some help. it has turned out that he now just has more on his already full plate. i just hope it goes relatively smoothly & everyone survives.
my other cosmic reminder has come in the form of a very close friend who is now in the hospital at 23 weeks for pih & low amniotic fluid. she & her precious baby girl could use all the good energy/vibes/thoughts/prayers this world can give. little girl needs to stay in as long as possible because while technical viability is around the corner- she only measures at 19 weeks & really really can't come yet.

my lack of sleep due to teething little bear & pumpkins constant almost-3 year old boundary testing are very happy problems to have when you consider just how close we can come to losing it all in one breath.

not

so- that break i was hoping for is just not coming. little bear is sleeping slightly better this past weekend- marginally better since thursday (meaning he gets up 1-3ish instead of 11-1-ish the first time.) last night would have been the best nights sleep ever as he got up at 4 only.
except for the horrible fight the hub & i had last night. where things that cannot be unsaid were said. from him. to me. about me & our family.
happy fucking valentines day. i hate this holiday even more now. its just so damn hard to be a romantic who constantly gets disappointed (then completely devastated) on this made up most romantic of holidays.