I have been extremely lax here. My vow to write more was a casualty of an extremely busy job/life/season/year. Kids in school and sports, hitting great milestones and amazing me daily. Also frustratingly falling back into behaviors I thought we left far behind. The girl sassing and whining. The boy waking up 2-3 times a night and hitting the terrible twos with a vengeance a month before turning three.
The hub working like a maniac to finish mom's space before the end of summer. All while still navigating his own grief I a very closed and angry way.
Mom working through her own- hitting one year from both brother and dad - in - law like a ton of bricks.
I'm working through too. The past year was about holding everyone else together. Getting through and getting us all here- new state, new home, new normal. I have my own work to do. I cling to my phone now. I realized this week that I feel panicked if I am out or at work and don't have my phone within reach. The terrified and stricken voicemail from the hub that January day is etched into my mind. I never want to not be right there again. But it comes with a casualty. I am lost a bit from being really present for my kiddos and the hub because of this little piece of technology. Yet I am not doing anything with it. I browse Facebook or play a game. I look up pinterest worthy things but miss the adorable and amazing in front of me. I let the hub slip past and realize this morning I talk more to colleagues than him- he talks more with his mom than me. We need to change this.
So I will quiet my life. Keep my browsing to set times and limits. Be more purposeful than aimless distraction. And come here when I need to say something. It is nap time on a Saturday- a good time to sit and collect thoughts and become more peaceful. And a better relationship with my phone is my first step. Since my phone is pretty much the only way I post- I fully expect this little ole blog to get even dustier (if possible!) but I'll still be checking in and posting. Hopefully more purposefully and meaningfully. If not regularly.
