i hate baseball

i actually tolerated baseball the best out of every sport. watching live is much better than on tv. i had more fun at the hockey game i went to, but i played softball growing up & some of my fondest memories are my dad taking me & my sister to m.ets games as a kid. (even though he likes the yan.kees much better- some reason that's who we went to)

but since moving to my wonderful hood - which i really do like 99% of the time- i have been surrounded by the type of rabid fan that my city is famous for. well- now we are famous for actually winning a championship. (yes- it was exciting to see that last game, even if it was hated for the circumstances, even if i only flipped it on during commercials) my hood exploded. literally. all the neighbors poured out into the streets, screaming & chanting while they went to congregate at a major intersection. 3,000 or so of them. the news helicopters & police sirens joined the cacophony of voices, screams, fireworks, and horns. this was all fine at 10pm when the game ended. i was extremely tired from being up at 5 & walking all day for that convention. i got home after 6 and it was just a long fucking day. all i wanted to do was sleep. i was in bed by 9:30. alas- my hood prevented that. my team prevented that. until 1 fucking am. seriously- who needs to scream about a world series until 1 am? 3 hours? i stuffed tissues in my ears because we had no more ear plugs. i finally passed out after tossing & turning & cursing the horns & helicopters more than anything. voices are much easier to ignore.

not to mention the fact that my part pit big old pup is really a giant wuss. he hopped up on our bed at the first crack of a firecracker & had to be snuggled & pet until he was comfortable enough to fall asleep. this is only after having to go out twice because he gets a very scared bladder in these situations.

and i'm really fucking cranky in general because things are not fantastic around here with the hub, his job, money- or lack of it, and the fact that since he is now tense about all this he refuses (or can't- whatever) have sex with me. this is after our open & honest discussion about why the fuck we've only had sex once in the 15 weeks i have known about the pregnancy. apparently it freaked him out, but he said he would work on it. ha.

so today i am bone tired, cranky, bitter, frustrated, & worried. i should be a joy to be around... thank you world series.

guesses anyone?

i have just shy of one week to the big ultrasound. i'm trying to figure out how to put up a poll (yes- i know how basic this is!) but any guesses? i definitely have my mind set. i will of course be thrilled either way, but i do have that feeling in one strong direction.

tomorrow i am out all day at an industry product convention. it's my first time going & i am pretty excited. except of course for the fact that in order to meet the car pool at 7 am i have to leave my house at 6. which means the absolute latest i can get up is 5.... fuck. i hate getting up earlier than my usual schedule. i love me some sleep. especially now. i could sleep instead of doing a whole mess of things. i barter off time in the morning & have streamlined my schedule to the point where on certain days- if i absolutely have to i can be ready & out the door in under a half hour. but that cuts out a lot of vital steps to feeling business like & presentable. still, since i am not driving and can sleep in the car it should be a pretty good day. i plan on being exhausted tomorrow night though.

oh well- time for the yummy dinner the hub made. (not really- it's mac & cheese... at least i ate a good lunch!)

busy busy

we've had quite the weekend. a full day of shopping yesterday. trying to find the hub's birthday present, but couldn't. we did find the m.imi store for me though. hot damn- they're expensive in there! i really just wanted to try on the "3 months ahead of where you are now" fake bump. it was so ridiculous looking. all lumpy & wouldn't sit nicely. oh well. thankfully they have the back section with all the moth.erhood stuff. not quite as cute, but half to a quarter of the price. i got me some bonafide maternity jeans. the secret belly band or whatever kind that hike up to your boobs. they are still a dark band, but oh so comfy. the only thing that sucks is i am really between a small & a medium. so i have to get the medium which fits fine the first few hours, but then starts to sag & fall down. or at least feels like it does. i'm sure i'll get bigger & fill them out better soon, but i'll just have to make do for now.

last night we went to a party for my friend's birthday. good food & lots of friends i hadn't seen in a while. the biggest news was that i was up until 1:15. am. wow- i am such a party animal!

today we cleared out the nursery. we had this huge bookcase in there full of crap. who would have thought that 2 people in 4 years could acquire so much shit. we have an enormous pile to donate, a ridiculous pile to throw out, and a pretty decent shred pile. we filled 4 plastic bins of books & memories to save, but they will have to wait until we get a real bookcase for the living room.

we get our new nursery carpet this week, then i am off the end of november & will be at least planning the nursery & maybe even registering then. one week and 3 days to the big ultrasound.

i am now exhausted but have another 3 loads of laundry to do & change the bedsheets... then i have some drawings to review for work. joy. first though- lunch!

so behind

i have my 16 week photo- taken at only 16w4d! i know- i'm a slacker! the good news is that the bump is officially here! now- of course this photo was taken at the end of the day- plus i'm wearing a dress so no sexy naked belly, but you really get the idea! (don't mind the mess- we're cleaning everything we don't use out to make some storage room for the rest of the nursery stuff... anyone looking for a pot rack or a clock?)
it looks really high in this picture too... less than two weeks until the big u/s & hopefully knowing if we are planning for a penis- or a no penis (as my derby girlfriend put it!) i can't wait- we have the boys name set- it's been the same for almost 2 years & we still love it, but the girls name is a bit harder. we are down to two top contenders, but aren't thinking much more about it until we know. so hopefully this kid behaves at some point during the hour they are taking pics & measurements! it will be nice to walk into an appointment & look like i belong there with all the other big bellies.

i have a halloween party to go to tomorrow & on halloween. costumes are tricky. i'm not quite pregnant enough to go as anything obvious & funny- like a pregnant nun (!) but who knows if i will ever have the opportunity to dress a bump for halloween again. i'm going to the first one as as.hley simps.on - easy costume: black t-dress, converse, hoody, straight hair- i already have the bangs, big sunglasses & lots of black eyeliner. the hub can even throw on his own hoody & be Pe.te W.ent.z. without the makeup & straightened hair...

but the next one is all friends- so i have something very special planned. i hope to get to it this weekend, so i will post a pic if it turns out well!

we have a derby fan!

last night i went to see my friend from ny play in her 2nd ever derby game. her league's travel team (granted they have only had their first ever game on the 6th) came down & played the local (to me anyway!) travel team. who has been doing this for years. needless to say- my friend's team was getting pummeled. my poor friend had a separated rib with nerve damage that kept getting slammed into- at one point she needed to bow out for the rest of the period to recover- i thought she was done for the rest of the game, but like a good little trooper she went back in for the 3rd period. then she got slammed & slid out of bounds practically into my lap. she got right back up- even though i could hear her crying in pain a little & kept going. these are some tough ass chicks!
anyway- after spending most of the game around 32-7 her team rallied & really fought back in the 3rd period. ending the game 39-22. still a beating, but much more respectable. especially for the 2nd game these girls have ever played! i was so proud. the home team really had it out for them from the start, testing them to the limits. they're a really strong & cohesive team & when they wanted to play dirty- they know how to do it & not get caught. i was proud to see my native new yorkers give it back though- we have some pretty tough chicks too!

i had been a little worried about spring roll the past few days- knowing it's normal not to feel movement everyday & not to be able to feel consistent movement is one thing, but going through it scared the crap out of me! i just wanted another little bubble, one more internal tickle. my good kid obliged last night watching his/her aunt kt on the track. i got a nice long series of tumbles as she flew by! i of course had to tell her that we have a future derby kid in there & she promised to get the first skates & pads! it was a pretty great night all in all.

bump watch '08

i officially have bump jealousy. yesterday my former manager (10 1/2 weeks pregnant) came into work with an adorable bump. it's her 4th kid so i understand completely that she will show far quicker than me. but tomorrow's 16w pic will show that there really is no bump to speak of. there's a tiny belly, but i can't call it a bump. and i am jealous! i want to be popped already! i know it's a blessing that my body is reacting this way to pregnancy- every woman's dream to be smaller & look better pregnant, blah,blah, blah. but seeing the cuteness that is the bump every day & knowing she is a month & a half behind me just makes me want to fast forward to that part!

i really don't want to fast forward a second of this pregnancy. i am savoring it like a fine wine since i can't be sure that we'll get lucky twice. i am thinking of this as my one & only pregnancy so i won't regret not doing or having something if it doesn't happen again. then again- that's probably why i want the bump to pop so soon- so i can see the evidence clearly!

actually- what would make me happier & more comfortable with taking longer to show (which isn't all that long i know!) is if i could feel flutters again. i felt it twice on tuesday & nothing noticeable since. i know it takes a while to be consistent & to really feel it, but how long is normal? is it normal to feel once a week for a few weeks? that's one thing i haven't found yet- but i am off to research. any personal experiences are much appreciated- if only to calm my highly overactive imagination!

another big day

today is an important day for two reasons. one being that it is national pregnancy & infant loss remembrance day. while i have been fortunate enough to not have suffered to remember on this day- i know many who have. please say a little prayer for all of those whose lives have been forever changed by their losses.

-today also just so happens to be my 29th birthday. i can remember when we first started trying thinking that i wouldn't be a mom before 30 & being so dejected about that thought. here i will be 6 months shy & i couldn't care less. today is the greatest birthday i can remember. i felt my baby move for my birthday- how fucking cool is that?!

i also found out that my old manager is also pregnant! she's about 5 weeks behind me, so while our leaves will overlap & definitely create an issue for the office to juggle- at least it's not all at once... i am excited to have someone so close to go through this with. i'm pretty much the first of my friends to start a family & the only one in this area.

short one today- a lot is going on, but i need to get me some birthday lovin!

big day

so today i had my almost 16 week appointment- i'm a few days early. no big news there- weight was down 1.5 pounds from 4 weeks ago, but they're not concerned yet & i eat healthy & am keeping most food down. i think if i am not up or *gasp* even down more in another 4 weeks i will be concerned, but since i have the scale at home i can monitor myself pretty well. blood pressure is good, my initial screening results looked 'crazy good' (exact quote!) got to her my little spring roll's heart beat which is always over too quickly!
the big day happened after i sat down for lunch. i felt a little tiny flutter right where i knew SR was since that's where the doppler found the beat. i thought it must be gas, but then i felt it again in the same spot. since i'm 15w3d it's not impossible that i actually felt my baby move today! even if i didn't- i'm sticking with it because i am on cloud nine right now. (oh- and no gas for at least 3 hours after that, just an fyi!)

i can't wait to post the 16w pic too, although i keep getting told that i look skinny by people who don't know yet. in my defense i think my face thinned out a lot right around the iui & then the first few weeks of actually being pregnant. i promise i am being healthy- i get so nervous every time someone says i look skinny- like i'm already a bad mom! (i know i'm not & apparently pregnancy just does this to me... i should always be pregnant hahahahahahaha!!!!

in other big news the hub mentioned being a stay at home dad today... we haven't worked out any numbers yet for anything- i still need to get daycare options to do that. but it could be a serious option. one that i would honestly be rather thrilled with. he's never been the office type. he's always been an independent, self- employed kind of guy. but he is creative & energetic & would be good at staying home & not going bonkers like i am sure i would. he doesn't seem to need to interact with people all day while i crave human contact. i would also rather know my child is with their dad than wonder if the daycare i chose has some sort of scandal waiting to pop out. it's all still very early & not even talked about yet, but if we could work it it could be great!

so that's my big news for this week. hopefully i can actually get around to posting here more than once a week!

officially out- updated

today was the review. it went really well, my goals were all talked about & validated, my areas to work on were what i want to work on too. nothing shocking or surprising mentioned. it was a really good conversation about what works & what doesn't. all in all the most positive & open review i think i've ever had. at the end i told my boss, she screamed a little. i definitely surprised her! it was really good though & i am now so relieved & happy! later tonight my manager came up with a plan to announce to the rest of the office- being a jokester she said that she would just loudly ask if i was gaining weight because i was looking a little fat lately. to make everyone uncomfortable. i actually thought it was a little funny, but we were at a work function & getting into the elevator with everyone else. who just heard her say that i was looking fat lately. so then getting off the elevator i explained that it was okay- i'm not really fat- there's just an extra person in there. to which i got a very high pitched 'you're preggo??!!' from my old manager. it was a great reaction & so nice to just talk about it to my hearts content without whispering in a corner!
tomorrow i wear the cute tight sweater & show off the mini-bump proudly!

update: it was too warm for the sweater today- but i did wear a cute tighter shirt i haven't felt comfortable wearing until i was 'out'. no 'hey you're fat' comments, but a lot of really nice heartfelt congratulations & genuine warmth. i have to say that as hard as work can be sometimes- i really do love my coworkers & the support & love they give! oh- and the bump is definitely mini- the people who didn't know until today still said i don't even look pregnant. but the few who knew could see it i think. hell- i can see it & that's all that really matters! well- the hub too. this morning as we were waking up he reached over to caress the bump. too bad he was actually gently patting my ass. i corrected him & still thought it was incrediblt sweet- and hilarious!

14 weeks

i know i am a day late, but we are actually up visiting friends in northernmost jersey this weekend. it's been really great since he & the hub have been really good friends forever, and i get along with her really well. they are also expecting next month- so there's that bond too.

i have to admit i was nervous at first- their pregnancy was a little hard to hear about a few months before mine- we were facing down saving up for iui #1 & only & so scared about things not working. i am honestly feeling more blessed that i am pregnant now & we can share this together. since she's got 20 weeks or so on me i can see & hear all that i have to look forward to. (not that i don't through the lovely ladies of blogland, it's just nice to be physically there with someone)

we were walking around & exploring & just enjoying being together yesterday. we had a wonderful dinner at this little thai place with the most amazing dessert- banana spring rolls with honey sesame sauce. oh. my. god. i haven't had enough appetite for dinner & dessert in about 3 months, so last night was such a treat! the boys got to enjoy beers together without feeling like they were drinking alone, even though they started out the night with a delicious smelling oktoberfest... ah- i miss beer! (really good, dark, rich beer!) today we are hanging out for a little bit, but then we have to get back home so the hub can put my car back together. long story- the short version is all the seats were out of the car by 9 am with the covers off to get washed, and they didn't end up back on the car when we had to leave at 1... i'll be taking his car tomorrow if i have to!

in the most exciting news- the belly has occurred! it is tiny & mainly just looks fat in most clothes, but i got a few super cute tight long shirts & one green sweater to show it off. the hub seems to like it & i am thrilled that i finally have something to proudly stick out! it does make next week more challenging as there are only 2 reviews to get through at work- mine being one of them. i really want to be able to get through my review & then tell them (even i say it as the review is over which is my plan!) but if i get pushed to the week after i will not be able to hide the belly any more. nor do i want to. i want to show this off proudly! i worked hard for it dammit & even though i do truly believe that we had our own little miracle happen to get here- i am here & i want the world to know how happy i am!

so- here's the 14 week belly, i do need to work with the hub on his picture taking skills, but in his defense we were rushing to get out of the house:



(apparently blogger doesn't like the crappy wireless signal- this may have to wait until we get home!)

so- back home- picture uploaded just fine. trip was really nice- only an hour & half or so. the hub & i got to chat the whole way down. i hope we get to have a little weekend getaway like this again soon.