when it rains it fucking pours. apparently when i did my refi for my house my original lender put a freeze on my account & didn't pay my real estate taxes. instead the escrow went back into the principal. my new lender did not pay the taxes either- thinking they were paid by the old lender (i guess- getting a mea culpa out of anyone is impossible). i have been on the phone all morning trying to figure out who's fault it is that i now have to attempt a payment plan with the city to pay my taxes because no one thought it was a good idea to tell me that the reason i had that 'extra' money from the refi was that i was going to have to pay my own fucking taxes! that money is of course practically gone as i had to survive on unpaid maternity leave after the hub was laid odd & then get through the gap until i got unemployment. which so does not cover us. how can i get more money when we don't have enough now?
the hub has to sign up for his licensing class this week- now that will have to go on a credit card which really sucks! but it's pretty much the only way we can make any $$ right now since there's no jobs for me out there. this was supposed to be a back-up plan so he could start small with a little motorcycle repair & customization business. (nothing like the endeavor & risk the shop was) but now that will have to go on the side burner & he'll just have to get a better paying job in a garage.
i just wonder when it will end. we're already as low as we have ever been & the next step is fucking scary. like losing the house scary. i can't even process it. this is really starting to suck. i also got a direct deposit from my unemployment- to the tune of $25. this better not be my fucking payment for the week because i think i will have to jump off a bridge!
update: crisis avered! title guy mailed tax payment in march- city never cashed it. title guy is responsible decent human & covering the penalty & we don't have to scramble to come up with money we definitely don't have. thank you karma, i am very grateful for a break!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
12 weeks
caiden is 12 weeks old tomorrow. holy cow- where did it go? it's been an exhilarating 12 weeks to be sure. so much has happened what with the job situations and trying to figure things out. the hub is all set to get his licenses, but he also has been trying to get some side work going. he is channeling his love of motorcycles into what hopefully becomes a nice little business of customizing & repairing them. he has a partner for that & luckily right now we don't need to have him working full time for another 2 months. we still have yet to get the subaru on the road, but that will happen next week. there's still a lot of worry & balancing to make sure we can afford everything, but we are getting used to being home with each other & the pumpkin. i don't know that being a sahm is my entire future- but in the immediate 6 months i think i can get used to this.
i get to see how much the little girl is growing & learning & changing day to day. she can grasp a rattle, she can reach out to mr. elephant on her bouncy chair. she babbles & 'talks' to everyone. she gets hella cranky when she's gassy- usually around 7am feeding & right before bed. although i think bedtime crank is her getting tired & us needing to establish a better routine.
the last few days she's reverted back to a constant 3 hour schedule- no more nighttime stretches of 4+ hours. i hope this changes back soon. i wonder if it's another growth spurt- but i kind of hope not since she's already outgrown most all of her 0-3 month & is now solidly in 3 or 3-6 sizes. i even have her in a few things that are 6 month! she's such a chunk- but in that good chubby baby way. her cheeks are amazing & her smile lights up the entire room.
she loves having her hair washed & splashes in her tub. she hates getting out of the bath, but is taking a little bit longer to let me know- so maybe there's hope! she loves the b00b & is quite the efficient nurser during the day. at night though she really wants the 'comfort b00b' as i call it & can nurse for an hour. she 'schnoodles' in her sleep. she loves to have her feet played with & her toes kissed- sometimes it's all it takes to head off a crank session. her face lights up when she sees her daddy. she still wakes up happy, but doesn't poop until after her 10:30/11 am feeding. i don't have to change her in the middle of the night anymore, but she does need butt paste in the evening.
she is the light of our lives (as cheesy as it sounds) and we love spending our days with her. i can't believe that she's almost 3 months old. it really is flying by & every time i look at her smile it makes the past & present troubles fade away. nothing really matters except for this adorable face!
i get to see how much the little girl is growing & learning & changing day to day. she can grasp a rattle, she can reach out to mr. elephant on her bouncy chair. she babbles & 'talks' to everyone. she gets hella cranky when she's gassy- usually around 7am feeding & right before bed. although i think bedtime crank is her getting tired & us needing to establish a better routine.
the last few days she's reverted back to a constant 3 hour schedule- no more nighttime stretches of 4+ hours. i hope this changes back soon. i wonder if it's another growth spurt- but i kind of hope not since she's already outgrown most all of her 0-3 month & is now solidly in 3 or 3-6 sizes. i even have her in a few things that are 6 month! she's such a chunk- but in that good chubby baby way. her cheeks are amazing & her smile lights up the entire room.
she loves having her hair washed & splashes in her tub. she hates getting out of the bath, but is taking a little bit longer to let me know- so maybe there's hope! she loves the b00b & is quite the efficient nurser during the day. at night though she really wants the 'comfort b00b' as i call it & can nurse for an hour. she 'schnoodles' in her sleep. she loves to have her feet played with & her toes kissed- sometimes it's all it takes to head off a crank session. her face lights up when she sees her daddy. she still wakes up happy, but doesn't poop until after her 10:30/11 am feeding. i don't have to change her in the middle of the night anymore, but she does need butt paste in the evening.
she still hates tummy time- but will tolerate it for a good 3 minutes. i force the next 2 on her to get her at least 5 minutes, but she's really mad at me by the time 4:30 rolls around. we're working on it- but i admit to being slightly lax because she just doesn't like it that much!
we also need to get better at daytime naps- she just will not go down in her bassinet or crib during the day. she'll sleep in her bouncy chair, but only for a half hour- 40 minutes max. a walk in her stroller or a car ride usually gets her for a good hour nap at least, but that's not the best habit to get into. the hub & i are trying to live a tress free life & schedules tend to stress us out since we don't have 9-5 jobs now!
she is the light of our lives (as cheesy as it sounds) and we love spending our days with her. i can't believe that she's almost 3 months old. it really is flying by & every time i look at her smile it makes the past & present troubles fade away. nothing really matters except for this adorable face!
Monday, June 22, 2009
father's day
wow... one year ago (almost to the day) pumpkin was literally a dream. cycle #20 & our first (thankfully only) iui was about to start. the hub & i were nervous- okay- terrified- for the cycle to work. and overjoyed & amazed when it did. despite the layoff & the worry we have about financials now (more on that below) we are so happy & overjoyed with what the past year has brought us. our perfect little miracle. the hub's little clone. the love of our lives on this first father's day...
i am feeling much more relaxed about the unemployment. the hub qualifies for a grant for schooling- which will cover the classes needed to get his inspection licenses & then some. so he can then get much better paying, more stable job- most likely making enough to support us. i am not giving up hope for my career- still looking & updating resume, etc. but i do think that it will be a good long while & i am hopeful (though not counting on) getting my job back. thanks to a wonderfully generous gift from my sister & brother in law that we can think of as a loan, gift, or bribe to get us down to visit- we are able to live without jobs for at least another 2 months so the hub can go to school. i can't lie- i am really enjoying being home with her. i don't know if i would be truly happy being a sahm forever, but i think i could do with the first 6 months. it really does make bfing much easier & i would love to be able to continue to bf for the first year.
well- she is cranking for a diaper change- time to go!
Friday, June 12, 2009
2 month check up
a totaaly rambling all over post. be warned
so- her 2 month appt was today- it's official. i really do have a tank for a daughter! she's 14lb 12 oz & 24" long. that's off the charts for weight, in the 75-80th %tile for length (how that happened i have no clue! she must have grown overnight!) at 15.5" she's right around 50th %tile for head. her length to weight is right around 90th %tile. (i know all these percents really don't mean anything- i just want to get them down so i can keep tracking her as she grows. i know it's how she grows, not necessarily the actual numbers)
the doc & nurse were so impressed with how well she holds her head & has met certain milestones. they both said to keep up the good work- of course the doc mentioned that she didn't need anything other than breastmilk- no water, juice, cereal, etc. i guess he just wanted to make sure she wasn't getting any of that now since she ilooks more like a 4 month old! i assured him she was only on the b00b & wold remain so!
watching her get her shots was not fun- i had total flash backs to her hospital stay even though the nurse was as gentle & quick as possible. i had tried getting her to take her pacifier before the shots to keep her calm, but she wanted none of it. even afterward- she cried for about a minute total from first shot to getting into her carseat. once she was in & done she just nodded off. now she's finally sleeping peacefully at home, after eating and a almost 2 hour chat-fest.
she's started going longer between feedings- especially at night. i think she is slowly dropping a feeding, getting down to 7 per 24 hours instead of 8. obviously she doesn't really 'need' the 8! she seems to be growing just fineon her own schedule so i am trying to just let her eat when she wants. it's a little tough on the 'girls' though as they are so used to the 3 hour schedule that i wake up well before she does at night due to the rock hard b00b letting me know she's late for a feeding! plus- since i am not currently pumping right now (figured what was the point this week as i will most likely be home with her for at least the next 2-3 months) my girls need to adjust back to her schedule rather than a bottle feeding schedule. it'll be a little uncomfortable, but i'm sure we'll settle in quickly.
on the job front i have been told a few times that my job would like to be able to hire me back eventually. it's just that with no income coming in- the hub is still looking but nothing this week- i don't know how long we can hold out for eventually. we're already almost down to bare bones & i doubt unemployment will cover us completely. we're going through the house figuring out what we've been meaning to get rid of & haven't gotten around to doing it yet. anything that can go for a price- will... the hub has a few cars lined up to work on here, i cut some girlfriends hair for fun (but will take donations) but there isn't really a job that i could take right now to support us. the hub needs to get his inspection license to get a job that could really help out, but i'm not sure how we could afford that right now. it's just scary times & i really hope we get some good news soon. i loved my job & i am starting to go crazy sitting around the house all day. i try to get out as much as possible with her, but not having money & experiencing a string of crappy weather makes it really tough.
i wish i could look ahead & be assured that i really would get my job back & that this is just an extended break to spend quality time with my daughter. but in this economy i don't know if i can trust in that. of course- in this economy there are no other jobs to take instead, so who knows what will happen. if only the hub could get his licenses & get a decent job with benefits then i could relax just a little bit. until then i keep panicking about every expense & bill. aargh- i know we'll get through it. it's just so hard to get to the other side of that- you know?
i have to go get some food real quick while she is taking her well deserved nap- i'll leave with the latest tummy time fiasco (she hates it now!) and it's aftermath.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
still overwhelmed
i have signed up for unemployment. i haven't even begun to update my resume- for the life of me i can't even find the freaking file! to say i was unprepared for this is an understatement. i honestly never thought it could happen to me. i can't even begin to process my emotional response to being laid off- especially as it is the first time i have ever lost a job. yup- almost 30 & never laid off or fired before this. i guess i can consider myself lucky for that?
i signed up with the state's job search website. but a search of that & every major job search website has brought up only one job that would even be feasibly close to what i was doing. and that job's in another state. as i don't even have a resume yet- it's safe to say that pumpkin & i will be spending lots of time in front of the computer in the next few weeks.
but not today- i had finally made my appointment to use my spa gift certificate on saturday (how ironic since monday is when spending even the $20 difference for tip makes me feel guilty!) but i can't cancel & i really do need this- now more than ever. no point in regretting what i have already committed to spend- right? besides- i did work damn hard for the past 10 weeks & i think a massage & facial are right up my alley today.
although it is the first time i will be leaving caiden for more than a half hour or an hour. sure- the hub has watched her while i shower, or do other things around the house. i have gone grocery shopping & taken naps while she's with someone else. but this will be at least a 3 hour excursion. she will need a bottle while i am gone. thank goodness she is now on a every other side eating schedule & i have pumped accordingly. she'll finish one b00b & maybe a few sucks from the other if she's really hungry, but even if she eats an hour before i get home i can still just pump the one side & have the other ready for her when she's ready to eat again.
she does still choke & cough a little while eating- it doesn't seem to matter if it's bottle or breast- so i hope the hub doesn't freak out too much with that. he's not the most comfortable giving her a bottle as it is- when she chokes it really freaks him out! oh well- he'll just have to figure it out! i was going to be leaving them together everyday for 9+ hours- so obviously i know he'll be fine. it's just that now the moment is here & i feel like i have to tell myself not to worry...
well- off to change & feed her before i head out- wish us luck!
i signed up with the state's job search website. but a search of that & every major job search website has brought up only one job that would even be feasibly close to what i was doing. and that job's in another state. as i don't even have a resume yet- it's safe to say that pumpkin & i will be spending lots of time in front of the computer in the next few weeks.
but not today- i had finally made my appointment to use my spa gift certificate on saturday (how ironic since monday is when spending even the $20 difference for tip makes me feel guilty!) but i can't cancel & i really do need this- now more than ever. no point in regretting what i have already committed to spend- right? besides- i did work damn hard for the past 10 weeks & i think a massage & facial are right up my alley today.
although it is the first time i will be leaving caiden for more than a half hour or an hour. sure- the hub has watched her while i shower, or do other things around the house. i have gone grocery shopping & taken naps while she's with someone else. but this will be at least a 3 hour excursion. she will need a bottle while i am gone. thank goodness she is now on a every other side eating schedule & i have pumped accordingly. she'll finish one b00b & maybe a few sucks from the other if she's really hungry, but even if she eats an hour before i get home i can still just pump the one side & have the other ready for her when she's ready to eat again.
she does still choke & cough a little while eating- it doesn't seem to matter if it's bottle or breast- so i hope the hub doesn't freak out too much with that. he's not the most comfortable giving her a bottle as it is- when she chokes it really freaks him out! oh well- he'll just have to figure it out! i was going to be leaving them together everyday for 9+ hours- so obviously i know he'll be fine. it's just that now the moment is here & i feel like i have to tell myself not to worry...
well- off to change & feed her before i head out- wish us luck!
Monday, June 8, 2009
good news/bad news
the good news:
the scale this morning said the lowest weight in at least 3 years.
baby girl is giggling up a storm
friends are coming over for beer /7 sushi lovingly made by the hub.
we don't need to worry about bottle feeding problems.
i get to stay home with pumpkin for an undefined amount of time.
i can sleep in.
bad news:
i was laid off.
the hub still has no job as he was going to be staying home with pumpkin full time starting next week.
i have to apply for unemployment.
i only have maybe a month's income saved. that's if we stretch things.
i feel like i've been sucker punched & can't catch my breath.
the scale this morning said the lowest weight in at least 3 years.
baby girl is giggling up a storm
friends are coming over for beer /7 sushi lovingly made by the hub.
we don't need to worry about bottle feeding problems.
i get to stay home with pumpkin for an undefined amount of time.
i can sleep in.
bad news:
i was laid off.
the hub still has no job as he was going to be staying home with pumpkin full time starting next week.
i have to apply for unemployment.
i only have maybe a month's income saved. that's if we stretch things.
i feel like i've been sucker punched & can't catch my breath.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Multimedia message
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
crazy 8's
i've been tagged by jen for the crazy 8's meme. here goes...
the rules:
1. mention the person who tagged me. (check)
2. complete the lists of 8. (i'll do my best)
3. tag 8 more bloggers and tell them they've been tagged. (so not doing this as all my free time will go to just getting through a list!)
the lists of 8:
eight things i'm looking forward to
1. sleeping more than 4.5 hours at a time (although i am not complaining about that since it is followed usually by another 3 hours of sleep at night)
2. caiden taking a bottle nicely so i don't have to worry about her being hungry & cranky while i am at work.
3. seeing the hub cope with being the primary caregiver during the day (& hopefully reaping the appreciation for what i have been doing up until then!)
4. firsts- rolling over, steps, words, etc
5. seeing the person she grows into
6. getting my spa treatment- hopefully next week!
7. losing the extra 10 pounds i had pre pregnancy
8. getting official nice baby pics taken.
eight things i did yesterday
1. went to babies r us & spent $70 on diapers (but she should be good for at least a month & a half now!)
2. went to brunch with the hub & the babe & survived a minor crank session at the table
3. hung out with our friends downtown
4. drank a delicious blue moo.n (belgian style white beer- yum!)
5. fed the babe in public all day with no bo0b shows
6. got sushi with friends & the hub (i don't eat sushi, but edamame & miso were good!)
7. stayed out past 9pm
8. realized how good my kid really is since we now have outside opinions!
eight things i wish i could do
1. wear size 6's again (hell- 8's would be nice at this point- i'm almost there, but not quite...)
2. go on vacation that isn't family related (not the babe, but in-laws/parents/etc)
3. feel really comfortable with our financial situation- not quite there yet as we haven't been through more than a month of the new situation.
4. buy new shoes & not feel guilty about spending the money
5. have a nice garden & patio that we can hang out & enjoy being outside without having to sit on our front steps. it is a city, but still!
6. have a mute button for the little dog that barks constantly & wakes up the babe. we won't get a zap collar & the squirt bottle only does so much.
7. actually be able to nap when the pumpkin does so i can take advantage of her sleeping- but i can't nap during the day
8. figure out what to do with my hair now that it is approaching being long for the first time in a very long time
eight shows i watch
1. lost
2. family guy
3. jeopardy
4. kitchen nightmares
5. it's always sunny in philadelphia
6. the daily show
7. top gear
8. top model (the list was looking pretty macho there for a minute- but this is honestly my worst guilty pleasure. i hate it, but love it!)
eight favorite fruits
1. strawberries
2. mangoes
3. cherries
4. raspberries
5. bananas
6. clementines
7. peaches
8. apples
eight places i'd like to travel
1. england
2. australia
3. italy
4. indonesia
5. scotland
6. alaska
7. the west coast with a central mountain detour to visit some peeps!
8. brazil
eight places i've lived
1 , 2 & 3. 3 tiny towns in orange county , ny
4. philadelphia
that's it. i've moved 9 times in my life & that counts 2 dorms & 2 apartments in college & 2 places with the hub. lame- huh?
i'm not going to tag anyone because i think most people have already gotten to this- if you want to do it- consider yourself tagged & feel free to take it!
the pumpkin came with me into work today- she was very good overall considering she woke up from her nap & only had eaten 2 oz over an hour from the bottle before we left to go in. so of course she had to eat while we were there- thank goodness for conference rooms with doors! it was nice to see everyone & i am looking forward to going back- well, to a point! i am going to miss spending my days with the little girl & i will especially miss our lazy mornings were we can lounge around in bed until 9 or 10! i'll have to feed her at 7 at the latest once i start back! i hope she starts going a little longer between meals for the hub or else he will literally spend the entire day trying to get her to take a bottle! we are working very hard on it now so hopefully she's much better in 2 weeks, but what with being out during the day it gets tough. if we leave the house i don't take a bottle with us since i wouldn't be pumping to 'replace' it. so she gets the bo0b when out. which was 4 times yesterday since we hung out with our good friends for most of the day. it's not a problem to feed her- the bo0b is much easier & far more portable. i've gotten it down pretty well too so i don't flash anyone! i just want to make sure we continue to get her used to bottles. if she has even one day 'off' from getting a bottle she seems to revert right back to fighting it more. we'll see how it goes- right?
the rules:
1. mention the person who tagged me. (check)
2. complete the lists of 8. (i'll do my best)
3. tag 8 more bloggers and tell them they've been tagged. (so not doing this as all my free time will go to just getting through a list!)
the lists of 8:
eight things i'm looking forward to
1. sleeping more than 4.5 hours at a time (although i am not complaining about that since it is followed usually by another 3 hours of sleep at night)
2. caiden taking a bottle nicely so i don't have to worry about her being hungry & cranky while i am at work.
3. seeing the hub cope with being the primary caregiver during the day (& hopefully reaping the appreciation for what i have been doing up until then!)
4. firsts- rolling over, steps, words, etc
5. seeing the person she grows into
6. getting my spa treatment- hopefully next week!
7. losing the extra 10 pounds i had pre pregnancy
8. getting official nice baby pics taken.
eight things i did yesterday
1. went to babies r us & spent $70 on diapers (but she should be good for at least a month & a half now!)
2. went to brunch with the hub & the babe & survived a minor crank session at the table
3. hung out with our friends downtown
4. drank a delicious blue moo.n (belgian style white beer- yum!)
5. fed the babe in public all day with no bo0b shows
6. got sushi with friends & the hub (i don't eat sushi, but edamame & miso were good!)
7. stayed out past 9pm
8. realized how good my kid really is since we now have outside opinions!
eight things i wish i could do
1. wear size 6's again (hell- 8's would be nice at this point- i'm almost there, but not quite...)
2. go on vacation that isn't family related (not the babe, but in-laws/parents/etc)
3. feel really comfortable with our financial situation- not quite there yet as we haven't been through more than a month of the new situation.
4. buy new shoes & not feel guilty about spending the money
5. have a nice garden & patio that we can hang out & enjoy being outside without having to sit on our front steps. it is a city, but still!
6. have a mute button for the little dog that barks constantly & wakes up the babe. we won't get a zap collar & the squirt bottle only does so much.
7. actually be able to nap when the pumpkin does so i can take advantage of her sleeping- but i can't nap during the day
8. figure out what to do with my hair now that it is approaching being long for the first time in a very long time
eight shows i watch
1. lost
2. family guy
3. jeopardy
4. kitchen nightmares
5. it's always sunny in philadelphia
6. the daily show
7. top gear
8. top model (the list was looking pretty macho there for a minute- but this is honestly my worst guilty pleasure. i hate it, but love it!)
eight favorite fruits
1. strawberries
2. mangoes
3. cherries
4. raspberries
5. bananas
6. clementines
7. peaches
8. apples
eight places i'd like to travel
1. england
2. australia
3. italy
4. indonesia
5. scotland
6. alaska
7. the west coast with a central mountain detour to visit some peeps!
8. brazil
eight places i've lived
1 , 2 & 3. 3 tiny towns in orange county , ny
4. philadelphia
that's it. i've moved 9 times in my life & that counts 2 dorms & 2 apartments in college & 2 places with the hub. lame- huh?
i'm not going to tag anyone because i think most people have already gotten to this- if you want to do it- consider yourself tagged & feel free to take it!
the pumpkin came with me into work today- she was very good overall considering she woke up from her nap & only had eaten 2 oz over an hour from the bottle before we left to go in. so of course she had to eat while we were there- thank goodness for conference rooms with doors! it was nice to see everyone & i am looking forward to going back- well, to a point! i am going to miss spending my days with the little girl & i will especially miss our lazy mornings were we can lounge around in bed until 9 or 10! i'll have to feed her at 7 at the latest once i start back! i hope she starts going a little longer between meals for the hub or else he will literally spend the entire day trying to get her to take a bottle! we are working very hard on it now so hopefully she's much better in 2 weeks, but what with being out during the day it gets tough. if we leave the house i don't take a bottle with us since i wouldn't be pumping to 'replace' it. so she gets the bo0b when out. which was 4 times yesterday since we hung out with our good friends for most of the day. it's not a problem to feed her- the bo0b is much easier & far more portable. i've gotten it down pretty well too so i don't flash anyone! i just want to make sure we continue to get her used to bottles. if she has even one day 'off' from getting a bottle she seems to revert right back to fighting it more. we'll see how it goes- right?
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