mia

this has been a crazy week. pumpkin finally slept! her tooth popped out & she has some relief. she came to work with me today & was an amazing kiddo.

the hub & i are tired. and sniping. and tired. and sorry. and fucking tired.

i did buckle down with my bad eating habits and was able to see the scale go down just a bit in a few days. despite having a huge work function & delicious yummy wine! i avoided almost all the bad appetizers, but the wine was calling my name!

we've been discussing major big things lately. but nothing yet that can be announced... family building & etc.

the hub's bro is moving in with us next week. i am ok & mainly happy about it as the kid needs some stability & we are able to provide it. but he has 3 cats... that makes me nervous.

pumpkin is making this scrunched up smiley face that melts your heart when you see it. pictures are very difficult to get but i keep trying. she is just a very happy & awesome little kid now. the baby is going away so quickly- which i miss dearly- but the little girl popping up is amazing!

i am officially having supply issues that i doubt i have the energy (especially now) or time (especially at work!) to remedy. we are going to attempt a slow wean during the day. i am having a ton of emotions about this as i love bf'ing and am not ready to give it up- but the pumping. oh how i can do without it. i have been pumping through what is essentially active moving/construction zones for 3 months now. i know that amazing moms have done so much more for so much longer, but she is almost 10 months. i was probably going to give up the pump soon-ish anyway. i am not- however- going to stop nursing when i am home with her. i just hope we find a good balance & my supply doesn't drop even more because of giving up the one a day pump session. i am going to start with dropping my nightly session (after nursing her) and slowly switch her bottles over to a formula. i still have about 12 frozen bags of milk to help with this transition. then after next week (!) i will probably drop my daytime pump at work- slowly spacing it so i don't explode... it feels so strange to be somewhat happy about weaning. even though i am holding on as long as she & i are both into it- i really feel that she is at the point that she is eating twice what i can provide for her through pumping. i added a nightly session to make up the difference- which worked for a time. but now she eats 8 oz at a clip. i am lucky if i produce 8 oz in 2-3 pump sessions (on top of her 'normal' 5-6 nurse sessions a day) so i think the kid is telling me she is ready for more- and since she is definitely not ready for milk other than momma's- we are going to be giving her formula for a month or 2. i have to say that i am truly very happy & proud that i was able to provide for her for 91/2 months. if i had been home with her who knows how long i would have gone. on the flip side though- had i gone back to work when she was 10 weeks old- would we still be bf'ing? it really makes me wonder & illustrates my own personal theories on how the universe gives you what you need when you need it- even if it isn't what you think you need or want.

argh- if you made it through that rant- good for you. i am very much enjoying my reward glass(es) of wine tonight. i am getting new glasses tomorrow & i am very excited about it!