my name is jenn....

if you take the oh so scientific & accurate theory behind my name is earl- 'do good things & good things happen to you'- i should be getting a whole lot of good things coming my way.

now- i like to think that i am a pretty decent human being- i try to give people the benefit of the doubt in all situations. i am highly empathetic, sometimes to my detriment. i let people merge in front of me when they use their blinker. i even drop the pick up your dirty socks arguement with my hubby & do it myself because he works so hard.

but my ultimate 'karmic' sacrifice has been made. since we started trying for a baby- i have been overly sensitive to pregnant women & newborns around me. unfortunately- my coworker in the next seat over (also a good friend) told me she was pregnant right after i told her we had started trying. long story short- i couldn't emotionally support her & she couldn't be there for me & we had a very uncomfortable couple of months that almost killed our friendship. to make ammends for my complete isolation & intentional distancing from her & her pregnancy- i am not only going to her baby shower (which i thought i couldn't possibly do if i weren't pregnant myself)- i am helping to organize her shower at work. i am also going to that dreaded mecca of all things baby- babies-r-us to get her shower gifts for work.

now- i am really not doing any of this for a 'karma will get me back' reason- i don't think it works that way in real life- that's just for tv. but i do want to make ammends for being a poor friend & even if it hurts my heart- she will be happy. plus it will bolster me in my own trying times to know that i am strong enough to get past my emotional hurdles. being a better person and trying to live a better life can hurt going through it- but the rewards are worth it.