I am going to be a whine preggo for a moment. I am feeling slightly hummed out, tired & a little under appreciated. I must not be sleeping great because after a lovely after-hours with girlfriends for a bachelorette beauty day/ dinner, all I could think about on the ride home is how I feel completely left out of the group now. I don't work with them anymore & it feels like it has really affected friendships. I feel like the outsider now & I feel like if I hadn't gone I wouldn't have been missed. I think deeper than that I feel a big disconnect from the level of friendship I thought I had with certain people & what seems to be the level they think we have. I am upset that I don't seem to rate even a solid playdate commitment, much less a special day. I was hit with this hormonal moment on my drive home & I don't know why. I realized that I don't really have the close group of girlfriends anymore. I don't have anyone here that souls plan a little shower (or brunch- I really never expected anything for a 2nd baby anyway) but I wonder if I hadn't stepped in and helped plan my 1st shower for pumpkin if I ever would have had one. I am not saying this because I want a shower, or want people to buy me stuff! it was a realization that my life seems to have gotten to this new point. I am a social person, I miss my friends. I hate being blown off for playdates from the only mommy friends I have. it sucks not having that support system like you thought you did. not having those girlfriends to swap baby gear or maternity wear with, but more than that realizing that you are nowhere near as important to them as their friendship is to you. I even feel like I have failed pumpkin & 2.0 because I don't have the base of mommy friends to give them playdates & guests for birthday parties. I don't have much family here & rely on friends to fill the Kiddo voids. and since I don't seem to rank as high as everyone else in my 'mommy friends' lives I am left out and passed over. plans are canceled & it sucks. god- I sound like such a brat! but the hub is always busy on weekends- his only time, and as I get bigger and closer to due date it would be nice to leave the house & not worry about getting stuck on my own with a jello-boned toddler that I am having a hard time picking up & carrying around. I'd love to have my friendships be back the way they were, I wish that the years of going to showers, functions, birthdays & whatnot were more mutually reciprocated, but I am guessing they are not. I wish I knew if it was me, or if its really all in my head & people are just busy. the naive part of me excuses a lot this way, but the realist always flashes back to hearing conversations about all these events I was never included. in & private jokes from gatherings and playdates my daughter will likely never experience (or me for that matter!) I don't have time to join mommy groups since I am full time breadwinner & in 6 years I haven't connected with anyone in my neighbourhood beyond friendly chitchat when passing.
I know this is probably all whine, tired, hormonal bitching, and I do hope it passes soon. there are much more pressing things to worry about, but this is the one that caught me tonight.. is it so wrong to be bummed about not feeling like you have the support you thought you did? about wishing you had the cool friendships and advantages you thought you did?
Hopefully tomorrow I am feeling better, but yet again I can't do something with pumpkin that I was really hoping too... all because I am not comfortable attempting it on my own.
5 comments:
I really feel like I could have written every word of this myself. It seems like we've lost the vast majority of our pre-baby friends because they have very different interests right now and the stay-at-home moms just live on a different schedule (i.e. No, we can't just reschedule for tomorrow. I have to carefully squeeze in playdates between work (and I have a really flexible schedule), grocery shopping, evening work events, cleaning, etc.).
I also completely don't understand the lack of acknowledgment of second babies. I yet again threw myself an (extraordinarily secret, so secret that the invitees just thought that I'd gone overboard on a playdate and had no idea that they were in fact attending my 2.0 baby shower) second baby shower because it was clear that nobody was even going to think of such a thing. I strongly suggest that you take an evening or a weekend morning or some time that you can escape alone for an hour and do something to treat yourself - maybe just coffee alone at Starbucks, or buying a new non-pregnancy t-shirt for inspiration ... I just found that no one else was going to do anything to celebrate the 2nd pregnancy or make things easier ...
After Easter (we're going away)Lovey Girl and I would love to get together. Want to do Little Treehouse in Chestnut Hill? It's an awesome place for kids (& adults!). BTW, I AM at home and I haven't made very many friends. It seems like I'm in a group (meetup for moms or whatever) and somehow the other moms hit if off yet that never happens for me. Try not to beat yourself up about it. Making friends as adults is REALLY hard.
Play date with me please! I am a lame two-kidder who rarely gets enough time to read the blogs, but I'll totally hang with you!!!!
I think i am asking you out or something... How embarrassing!
:}
M & littlezen- you are both on! I would love to have playdates & pumpkin would too! I think you both have my e-mail, let's plan a day! You both made my day. Thank you!
Hey Jenn,
Haven't checked in on you in a while and didn't even know you were PG! Congrats!!!!!
We all have our down moments and the friend/mommy thing is hard for everyone (I think). Hang in there. Sounds like you have a couple playdates on the horizon!
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