oh what a night...

last night was both frighteningly awful & amazingly wonderful at the same time. first the awful:

the hub got into a battle royal with my mil. while this is not uncommon & i have tried to end many a fight between them from our side of the phone- this one apparently let her say a bunch of things she has been wanting to say for a long time. i won't go into details, but the summary is that a lot of very hurtful things were said on both sides & the most hurtful of all was directed towards me. who wasn't included in their fight to begin with, nor did it have anything to do with me, the hub, or my family- but that was all brought up. i think mil was hurt that we saw my family for thanksgiving & are not traveling to see them this year. i really wish we could- but the only reason i saw my family is that they were 40 minutes away, not 6 hours. we could go & come back in an afternoon & not have to board the dogs or have someone watch the house while we are gone. (we were initially going to have the in-laws over for the holiday but they could not afford to come down. believe me when i say if anyone understands that- it's us)

either way- it led to a very upsetting night where i was literally shaking i was so upset. i was crying & just so hurt. when the hub (who is fantastic in that he always sticks up for me in any fight whether i deserve it or not- unless of course we are the ones fighting!) & i finally went to bed i was still pretty upset, but calming down. well- caiden must've still had some adrenaline pumping because she was squirming around much later than she usually does. i quick grabbed the hub's hand & he thought he could feel it whenever i said 'how about that one?' but he wasn't sold since they weren't very big movements. either way though- she was either saying that she was upset too- or shut the fuck up you guys, i'm trying to sleep here!

i felt a little better this morning & did get an apology e-mail from my mil after sending a very long one to her letting her know how upset i was & why. while i am still sad & hurt, i am letting it go mainly because i don't need or want stress right now- i have plenty on my own thank you very much! i also took my 22 week pic, just 3 days late!

now- this is first thing in the morning- there is no bra involved which is why i am hauling my massive boobs out of the way! my eyes are swollen from a night of crying & it looks like i have a seam in my side... you can even see the hub in the corner- yes he is texting at 7 am. i swear he's got a valid reason & not an addicted techno geek! (well- maybe just a little bit) he does make me look even bigger than i am though since he seems sooo much shorter than me!

tonight made up for last night tenfold. our neighbor came over with yummy chinese food & i guess caiden really likes it because about 10 minutes or so after eating she started kicking like mad. i put my hand down to see if i could feel it & *boom* giant kick to the hand. my neighbor was closer & we had just been talking about the hub maybe feeling her last night so i yanked her hand over & she was rewarded with another big kick. then i grabbed the hub who immediately got the biggest kick i have ever felt & the look on his face made the entire previous night melt away. it was shock, disbelief & wonder all wrapped into one. he just said 'oh my god. i just got kicked!' there was no questioning this one! and before 23 weeks. it seems so soon to me, but so wonderful at the same time. i think she is a little overachiever already- just like mom & dad! or maybe not so little... she always measures ahead by a few days. perhaps she will be an april fool's baby after all.

all i know is despite not knowing what is going on between my hub & in-laws, i am so happy that we can both feel our little girl in my belly. i sent in my maternity registration forms & even picked a pediatrician. at least preliminarily- i will go into the office in february to meet with them & scope them out to decide for real. i am looking into childbirth prep classes & a free infant care class. we can go tour the hospital at any time. that 'real' thing i was talking about the other day... it's getting realer by the second!