exhaustion

still here- still hugely pregnant. i made it to my friends wedding (yay!) which was lovely and actually just a beautifully done day. i was very impressed! the belly is enormous & i am starting to think that all the contractions and plug losing that happened last week was just a dream. he seems to have finally decided to listen to momma- but too well! i have given him full permission to make his appearance at any time now & i think he is ignoring me. and this past week i have started waddling. and being really uncomfortable and bone tired. i consider myself extremely lucky that it took almost 39 weeks for this discomfort to kick in. i remember only too well the months of carpal tunnel and not sleeping that i went through with pumpkin. still having ankles (and wearing sexy red pointy heels- but only 1"heels!) feels really awesome. being told that i am 'all belly' and that i look skinny- except for the huge basketball under my shirt- makes me appreciate the relative ease of this pregnancy even more. especially since it is the last time. i didn't complain a lot during pumpkin's gestation- i tried t treasure every moment thinking that was my one & only, but knowing that this wonderful surprise has come to us- the hub & i are 100% ready to say we are done. which does in fact feel final- but very strange to decide. we knew we weren't going to go through ART again & we were pretty sure we wouldn't be trying again & would just let anything happen if it would- but i never really expected anything to happen! since it has though- it is fairly obvious that if we are truly done then we need something slightly more reliable in the bc department- since our method of choice is what we were using with 2.0's conception... he has already come to terms with 'taking this one for the team!'. which i am both surprised and relieved about. i can't take the pill or the shot, iud's would have to be non-medicated for me and their reliability and chance of scarring still have me concerned. surgery for me is either more invasive with longer recovery and i am still sole breadwinner- or it is prohibitively expensive and not fully covered under insurance. which makes no sense as i believe his is... oh the male run insurance world! (topic for another day)

well- i'm off to get ready for another day at work where i surprise everyone just by showing up. it's a shame because if i have to hear one more person tell me how they would have stopped working already- i think i will scream! if i had 12 weeks off like the 'ideal' maternity leave i might have considered it, but only barely managing to squeak 6 weeks (where 3-4 of them i will work from home via laptop) i want every second i am off to be with this little man. because i really have no choice otherwise!

wish me luck & some good labor vibes- my practical side would love him to decide to evacuate by thursday so my folks can meet him when they come up this weekend for the holiday, my heart knows he is coming when he is ready and that is fine- i just finally am prepared (i think!) so waiting in limbo starts to wear on me...