so- this will be a very embarrassing little post full of way too much info about me. fair warning!
i am a quirky girl & there are many things i do that when i think about telling someone, i think- that might be weird- how do i even explain that? this is one of them. last night i was sitting on the toilet (no- not actively doing anything, just peed) & i was plucking my eyebrows. i come from mega hairy stock & the plucking is pretty much a daily to every other day event. the weird thing is that i find it relaxing... don't judge! it's 5 minutes i can sneak to myself. is that sad or what?
okay- so i am sitting on the toilet plucking & i get curious. what does it all look like...there? so i look. now- a- i am still sitting on the toilet- so there's a weird angle. and b- i am using a freaking magnifying mirror as that is all i have. so i see some weird looking shit. and i think to myself- hmm, that's funny. usually i can only see the one hole, now i see 2. that must mean that this 2nd hole i see is the one that should be tucked up nice & neat & inside, right?! proceed to freakout & consult dr. go.ogle to decide i now have a prolap.sed ute. begin obsessive amount of keg.els & refuse to pick up pumpkin as i cry to the hub about not wanting (or really being able to afford) surgery- however minor.
after searching through the images on google (not a good idea, by the way- there is some nasty nasty shit on that there inter-net!) i go back upstairs at bedtime & decide to check again. do much more thorough investigation & determine that something is really really off as the good ole cervix is still right where i remember leaving it. now am very confused & get all up in there with the (magnifying) mirror. i have now determined that what i thought was definitely a prolapsed ute is most definitely not & is merely the ure.thra nicely stretched down & now visible due to my recent & intense labor & delivery. or it could be totally normal after childbirth to now be able to really see all your bits & pieces. i mean- they do warn you about incontinence, but i guess no one thinks to mention that can get all stretchy too!
i am chalking this up to yet another thing they really should fucking tell you about giving birth because you might just freak out one day when you check things out for yourself.
3 comments:
Oh my gosh, I peed when I read this! Too funny!
And yeah, I looked too!!
So, I found your blog through Nancy and this is my very first post I have read on your blog, fucking love it!! haha! I checked things out too, before and after the baby, and things do really look different down there after birth dont they!?
Oh, I've done the mirror check before, though I don't have the excuse of having given birth. Mine was several months ago, when I was experiencing a new fresh sort of rectal hell (quite different than the fissures) and decided to get a better look. Discovered that there's a REASON our bodies are built so that the anus isn't readily visible-- because it's UGLY and WEIRD and GROSS-- and also discovered a thrombosed hemorrhoid. Do a google search if you want to know what one looks like (and lose your lunch).
I'm thinking that these issues I've had in the past may possibly better prepare me for a post-childbirth crotch-area, since nothing I find there surprises me anymore. Of course, since I'll be doing whatever I can to avoid aggravating the Death Star, I think I may end up with a C-Sec, which may change the whole stretched-out-urethra outcome a bit...
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