finally

big, fat, solid, red crosshairs. i have officially ovulated with the best timing yet.

of course- i had some pretty low post-o temps the first 2 days, thankfully shot up to my normal range today but i will still be obsessively checking it every morning to make sure it stays there & doesn't indicate a progesterone problem.

of course- i also ovulated 5 days past my previous 'normal later' ovulation on cd18. cd23. ack. does this mean the egg was too old to be fertilized, or do i still have a chance?

of course- since ovulation was pushed off so long i am now due to get my period or test ON MY BIRTHDAY! i am so unhappy about this. either way it means that turning 28 will suck. the entire day i will have to try to not think about the fact that i am a) bleeding, or b) not going to be pregnant at 27.
why does it matter to be pregnant at 27? i don't know. it's just one more thing to mark the passing of a year. oh- plus my mom had me at 27 and- like hearing from her that she could hang her underwear next to my dad's on the clothesline & get pregnant- it's another negative comparison in my own mind. i know my mom never struggled to have us- she just thought "hey- a kid would be great- i'll stop bcp's" & BAM- one month later she got her 2 pink lines. i know she never had a BFN.

so- although comparisons to my mother are not something i should be doing- fertility is not hereditary- i can't fucking help it. this birthday will suck. there is nothing i can do about it. hopefully meditating every day (i am trying to be consistent!) will help with this month.