i do feel better today. i had acupuncture tonight & brought all my charts again for her to keep- she was so excited about this last one. she did say that she could see how that would make it harder, that a chart difference like that can get your hopes up. she told me not to get too down and that i still have time on my side. which i do know, but believe me- it doesn't feel that way from this side. i know she means so well & i do really like her- even she was pulling for me this month! if good intentions could get you pregnant you all would have me there!
i really appreciate all the kind words- i can not even express how much it helps to see that "comment needs moderation" e-mail. each one makes me feel less alone, each one of you makes me feel validated in feeling so down about this, and oddly enough- that makes it go away quicker. strange, huh?
i had to call today with my day one- even though i have no chance of doing anything with my clinic for at least another month. the nurse was very sweet & let me know i could still do the clo.mid with blood tests, for around $300 (there's an ultrasound in there somewhere) i let her know that i would rather save up & wait a little longer & get the full experience. for the extra $700 i get constant monitoring & blood draws, as well as the medication. (at least i learned that!) if i am going to pay that much for a test/chance i want it to be the best i can get. and that means no leaving us to our own devices in terms of timing. i want to know 'to the hour' when that sucker is gonna pop. my re claims he can tell... we'll put him to the test. eventually. i even said i wanted to get more 'bang for my buck' which cracked up my nurse. i of course hadn't even thought of that when i said it- but it was nice that my clinic has a sense of humor!
in the meantime- i really do feel better overall about the acupuncture actually doing something. i really did see a big difference in the pattern of my chart this month- especially so as i was flipping through them with my acupuncturist tonight. i feel good that i am not as drained as i usually am with my period & the cramps are pretty nonexistent. i am slightly glad that i was able to have as much hope as i did this month. you know my love/hate with that bitch. she's irrepressible- no matter how hard i try i will always have hope that we did it.
all in all- not too bad for day 2 of cycle 19. the only dark spot to my day was seeing that silly daily tarot card thing in my e-mail. talk about irony:
The World card suggests that my alter ego is The Conqueror, whose superpower lies in graduation to the next level. Today I am free. I have accomplished my mission and feel on top of the world. I will enjoy the experience to its fullest. I have come full circle on my path to success. My job is done, my dream fulfilled, and I have them eating out of my hands. Accept and embrace the journey taken. It has served great purpose in my growing wiser and stronger, and has provided a sense of relief in that now it's complete.
4 comments:
I'm glad you are feeling better Jenn, thinking about you lots!
Heh. It took me a second to get it . Bang. Hehehe.
I think that's probably a good call. I mean, if you're going to do it, you might as well go balls to the wall.
Sorry I didn't comment on the last post. I read it and instead of commenting, just joined you in drinking and never got back to it...
Oh, man! Talk about irony! That tarot was fricking RIDICULOUS given the situation.
It sounds like your RE's office is good. They have your best interests at heart, and they have a sense of humor, too. What more could you ask for (well, I mean, other than their willingness to do the whole shebang for free!)?
Glad you're feeling better. I think that it's good that you are waiting to do a treatment cycle until you can do the cycle with the best chance of success. You're in my thoughts.
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