*update: wow. you guys rock- each & everyone of you. all your comments - however different- make me feel much better. i saw this morning's temp & just figured 'that's it'. i do tend to go overboard once i hit 9-10 dpo. it happens every month & while i am happy that i still have the ability to let hope in at this point- it really does fucking hurt to be let down that much more. because -as i'm sure you all know & feel like i do- i fucking want this. more than i have ever wanted anything. i am trying everything that is in my power to try & i am tired. the waiting is getting to be tortuous- i don't want to have to move on to treatments & IUI's, or contemplate IVF over adoption, but at least it would be doing, rather than just waiting & hoping. because that hasn't gotten me anywhere- yet i can't turn it off. and to be honest- i won't stop charting- i like being able to see my feeble efforts laid out in a chart. i like knowing that something is going on in there- even if it's not the something i want so desperately.
i just need to learn how to set realistic expectations & stop letting my imagination run wild. i swear i found myself touching my stomach & asking if anyone was there & if they wouldn't mind hanging out for a while...
have a fantastic weekend- we plan on doing some creative shopping- yard sales, thrift stores, etc. exploring the neighborhood since we have been very bad about seeing what is literally in our own backyard. we're also hanging out with friends tomorrow. (which i am slightly annoyed that despite my thoughts to the contrary- i still won't drink a sip on this oh so bbq & beer filled holiday because i can't let go of that last little bit of hope- she sure is a clingy bitch.)
6 comments:
I used to OBSESS over my charts. I wold look at them and then scan back through previous months for comparison. Then I would scan through other peoples charts (all pos. of course) and compar them to mine. I know how you feel. It is draining. And frankly, comical.
Signs, in my experience are rarely signs at all. Although it never stops me from trying to read into everything. The b00bs, the temps, the cervix, oh my. It is really only in hindsight that we can really tell what was happening.
But the thing is, I have been pregnant repeatedly and never once was my chart triphasic - not once. I always had a slow, pathetic rise after ovulation then a slow evening out at about 98.6 degrees. I also would have the occassional dip, which always freaked me out. You are right, it is the acupuncture that is stabalizing the temps. But that is a GOOD thing and it does not rule out pregnancy.
The 2WW sucks, no matter how you toss it. It should be a beautiful weekend. I hope you can get out in the world and take a deep breath (how about a picnic at the Wissahickon?) Tuesday will be here before you know it. And either way it goes, you will be able to move forward. I am keeping all crossables crossed - not only in hopes for a +, but in hopes that you have some peace.
Hey. I wasn't supposed to be REMOVING hope. I was telling you how fucking cute you were!!!
NO!!! Your middle name is hope and that is what makes you YOU!!!
You know I'm all about charting. But there are times when it is helpful to take a break. My last IUI cycle my chart got all messed up because of weird sleeping patterns around O, so I just didn't do it. And you know it was the most relaxing, symptom obsession free 2ww I'd had.
I stopped keeping track of that stuff mostly because I never remembered to take my temperature. It's so hard to do it first thing in the morning before getting up to hit the bathroom or even moving.
Have a wonderful 3 day weekend! There are a number of activies going on at some wineries in Chester County (Brandywine Wine Trail) if you guys are into sitting outside w/wine and music. I believe there is also a Blues Fest at Chadds Ford Winery.
Dang. I'm so sorry. We try to block bitchy Hope, but she always finds a way in under the crack in the door. No matter how loud we yell at her to GO AWAY, she just hangs out, taunting us with her promising dreams. I'm truly sorry that this is likely not your month. I really, really am.
I'm a proponent of not charting after ovulation is confirmed, much less stressful. I'm sorry your chart delivered you bad news today.
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