this is my 198th post. i am coming up on 200 and now there's something to say. cycle day one of cycle 20 started yesterday. it was 3 days early. i don't know how to feel right now. i am a little numb. my clom.id challenge cycle starts friday (um- tomorrow!) with baseline bw & u/s. the hub & i are talking about turning this cycle into an iui cycle. i figure- i'm in for a penny, in for a pound. what's $300 more when i already have to spend a grand on the fully monitored cycle. (by the way- i can do just the challenge with one u/s & 2 days of bloodwork, but no extra monitoring, for about $300. it doesn't make any sense to me, so i might as well get everything i can out of it- even if it means spending so much money!)
the hub is really adamant about not going into the clinic for his 'contribution'. i am going to find out if he even has to, which i am pretty sure he doesn't, but as of tonight i think we are jumping in feet first. the challenge will become iui #1. it will probably be the one & only for quite a while- so i really want to make it count as much as i can. i am going to try to exercise, eat really well, meditate & generally relax with this as much as possible. in short- i want to do everything i can to ensure that i can not go back & blame myself for this not working. i know i get stressed & i know i get consumed with the hope battle in a normal cycle- i am scared what these bigger more invested stakes will do to me.
i am dealing with the end of this cycle better than i thought possible- maybe my body jump started because i'm supposed to go trough this next one. the 11 day lp has me a little freaked out though. it's the shortest yet & i lost 2 days off my usual lp. i didn't think that was normal, so now do i worry about an lpd? can stress really do anything to your luteal phase? i just don't know & i really don't need/want another thing to worry about. i am part scared (nervous) about this cycle, part really excited, and part really scared about getting too excited.
the hub already has the mindset that this isn't going to work. he is more pessimistic by nature, but i know he really wanted it to work for us 'the old fashioned way' (his quote). of course i did too, but i think we both realize that it's just not working out that way for us. he is willing to move on & even willing to do the iui, but he feels like it's all a ploy to get more money from us since there are no guarantees. he really wants a guarantee. and who can blame him. parting with $1300 for a slightly increased chance is hard to do. and going into it knowing that it's the only shot for a while & has all these hopes attached to it already, is really hard. i told him how i wanted to relax as much as possible with my stress level this month & asked him to do everything he could to help with that- even if that means lying to me when i ask if he's hopeful.
so - here's to my (first?) iui, may it be the big bang i've been hoping for... but not let me crash.
*update- embarrasingly enough i am NOT on cycle 21, only cycle 20... oops. they've started to blur together now.
7 comments:
I hope this is it for you Jenn!!!!
Good luck Jenn! As long as you can get the sperm to the clinic within about 30 minutes, your hubby shouldn't have to do his part there. I know my hubby hated it.
Oh, my GOSH! This is so exciting! Your first IUI!
I know it's a lot of money, and I know you're hoping for the most and that you generally do a good job of keeping Hope at bay, but I just have really good feelings about this cycle. Even if the IUI doesn't work, perhaps more answers will come as to what has been preventing you from getting pregnant up until now.
But for now, YAY! on your pending IUI! I'm SO happy for you!
I think spending $300 bucks to go for iui makes sense.
Good luck dude. I hope you are able to balance the hope with the, um, non-hope? (You know what I mean I think) I'm pulling for you.
He can do his sample at home. My understanding is that you can get a sterile cup at the drugstore,he does his thing, and it has to be kept warm and arrive at the clinic w/in 45 minutes. Call your clinic and ask.
GOOD LUCK WITH THE IUI! It can happen on the first try!
Were here for ya hun, bad or good.
It does sound like your body did jump start into the next cycle, like its helping you out, (for a change) I hope that is the case and you dont have a lpd. But I think the Clomid will help with that too. It did with me.
Just keep blogging, get any emotion you have out so you can keep your sole clean and free of any toxins.
♥
My fingers are crossed for you.
I agree! What is $300 bucks when you are already in it for a grand?
I have taken a combo B6/B12 vitamin in the past - in addition to a prenatal. B vitamins are supposed to help with the luteal phase, helping to give you a more lush lining. Will you be on progesterone too? I have read that B6 + B12 work best in concert. Do a little research on your own and see what you think.
I am excited for this Jenn - and like the hub I am a pessimist. If not anything else, it is a HUGE step in the right direction. I am so glad you are having the chance to do it!!!
Happy 200th - ya old hag!
Meredith
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