countdown

this post is to try to clear my mind of all the 'symptoms'. i figure if i list them & look at them, maybe they will go away. of course- testing on sunday will probably be the only way to really get rid of them!

1. my boobs are tender & heavy. i am not constantly punching on them
to check if they are still tender or hurt- thry just do. (chalking up
to progesterone)

2. i can feel my uterus or i am at least very aware of it. (of course i
am aware of it- it has been the main focus of my life for almost a
year!)

3. slight cramps today. (umm- completely normal for 4 days before af
shows up)

4. i swear i am smelling things more intensly. (this one is completely
in my head)

5. i am bloated. (just throwing it in there)

6. i have been getting turned off by food lately- today i really wanted
a little chocolate & the thought of actually eating it made me
feel ill. (this better fucking mean i'm pregnant because if not that
is one cruel, cruel joke- i can always eat some chocolate!)


okay- i am now going to stop thinking about these completely. that's the thing about hope- i am glad she's back because what if this IS the cycle- i would want my pregnancy to start by being hopeful. but if it's not the cycle the letdown will be that much worse.

but i think i am okay with that. i know i can & will pick myself up & move on. i know that i can take these next few cycles before starting testing & possibly treatment. i know that in the long run a couple more cycles mean nothing. i seem to have found my faith again- i do believe that i'll get pregnant. i just need to keep miss hope on a short leash & not let her run wild...