2nd happiness challenge

week one: i'm trying to nail down a consistent time. afternoon's are a whirl of coming home, getting dinner, catching up with tom & the pups. early mornings are too rushed since i love my sleep- getting up early is not easy! finally decide on sometime between 7:30 & 8pm. tom ironically brings up the fact that i 'need to relax' (don't worry- i let him have it for that one)the rest of this week is pretty much a bust as far as a set 10 minutes of meditation. but i have been more relaxed (ha ha). i've been taking moments for myself whenever i can. i am letting my thoughts go instead of allowing them to run around in my head. a night out on the trike with tom did wonders for me. nothing to think of except for holding on tight & the wind on my face. i'm going to try to keep up at least with letting go (how funny does that sound!) hopefully getting back into my 10 minute meditation routine.

week two: miserable failure in the technical challenge. i have not spent a single 10 minute period in actual meditation. but i am far less stressed overall. i am forcing myself to chill out about certain things & i am letting go with others. this week is all about friendships & the moments that really count. the love & caring of a true friend really makes everything seem like it's all going to be okay- no matter what.and this is despite a torturous wait for an anxiety ridden mandatory company meeting. bets are being taken that range from 'layoffs are coming', 'we had a horrible month & need to do better', 'we are going out & selling & getting more work- so don't worry'. who knows. only time will tell. hopefully my relaxed mindset will keep going. what's the worst that can happen- i'm out a job when i am supporting my husband. so- i get another one, right? it's not the worst that could happen.

week three: meeting was actually okay. it had nothing at all to do with any part of anything i had f-ed up & yes- our numbers sucked. we have to be better at communication & quality control. such hard things to do when you are running at full throttle on a project because deadlines have you stuck in go, go, go mode. but- phew- no ulcer inducing moments.the rest of this week is a blur- as is week four. absolutely no meditation has happened. i did go for an hour & a half drive to pick up my sister which afforded some nice quiet moments with just me & my thoughts. not really meditation, but about as close as i have actually gotten.i am not counting the happiness challenge as a complete failure though. i am feeling much better overall. although nothing has changed in the ttc front, or for my hubby's shop, i am relaxed. i am taking things as they come & i have seemed to stop (or at least cut down) a lot of stress. work is like a different place. i'm more confident & centeres about my place in this firm & on my team. i do believe again that we will be parents, maybe even on our own. i have found a kind of peace in this journey where hearing things like "you guys should have kids soon", and "when is it time for you guys to pop out a few" no longer make me want to burst into tears. i actually am biting my tongue to keep from spilling the whole year long story. i figure that's just way too big a step right now, but i feel like it's right there.

i am getting ready. ready for a new life. hopefully its as a mom, but if it isn't then i hope i am confident & happy enough in my life as it is that i can say it loud & proud.this month has shown me that i can be strong & i can be centered. it's okay to let things go & life will work out. it may not be how i want or according to my own timeline, but i will be okay. no matter what my life brings i will have a fantastic life that is full & rich with wonderful friends & family. i have so much to appreciate right now & to be grateful for. i am thankful for this month & even though i technically failed in meditating every day, i think that this challenge will be counted as a resounding success.