this is tough- i want so much to supress hope because i know my mind-body connection is strong. i don't want the false symptoms & subsequent hope crushing dissapointment, but i don't have many symptoms right now at all. i feel full- especially right after eating even if it's not much. i have very mild cramps occasionally- yesterday i put it off to eating some b&j creme brulee ice cream (fyi- that stuff is dangerous for a creme brulee lover!). i am kind of cranky & really tired- like falling asleep at 8 tired. but i've had some long days. and it's not like cramps & irritability aren't normal before af.
but- even with my lack of sypmtoms & fear of hope- here she is. it's currently 13 dpo & believe me af is not showing up today. i had dreams all night about testing- i actually tested at work & peed on my hand, but got a positive & didn't care. i was at a train station with my parents & got text messages from my ladies asking why i wouldn't just test already!
and i will- i promise i will tomorrow. i don't have the willpower (or need) to wait until thursday. but i am a little scared that the lack of symptoms really means i messed up on my assumption it was a cd18 ovulation & it's really cd20. that would make me only 11 dpo today & no sign of AF would be normal. i just really hate the bfn's & i promised myself (and my concerned hubby) after last time that i wouldn't test again until i was actually late. i am just having some doubts about my doubts! i want to make sure that yes i am really late & not fooling myself again. plus- to be completely 100% honest, i am a little freaked out that i WILL see a second line tomorrow morning. after a year how will i believe it's real... you'll all have to give me a few slaps in the face. which you probably want to do anyway since i keep whining about testing! ;o)
m- i was a good good girl this am- but looking at my temp i am pretty sure if i wait until tomorrow morning it will be a miracle! be ready for an early text- even if it's not good news.
4 comments:
out of all your charts - i have the most hope for this one. i can NOT believe you didn't test this morning with such a high temp. I have a backpocket full of congrats for you this month I feel.
i know- i know. i almost can't believe it myself. I'm waiting until tomorrow on the very off chance that I'm wrong in O dates- but as the day goes on I'm starting to kick myself for not just testing!
I know what you mean about not wanting to hope. But hell, how can you not have hope with a chart that looks like that? There is no winning...unless its a BFP. Please let it be a BFP!!!
I never tested before I was at least 15dpo on any cycle for the fear of a BFN too.
I am sending you tons of baby dust but I have a feeling you don't need my dust as you have your own brewing already :)
No pressure but please update ASAP once you have tested, either way you have lots of ladies that will be here for you!!
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